I’m angry. Frustrated. Annoyed. At myself and at the world.
Do you ever feel that way?
My hormones are raging rampant and there’s little I can do to control how I feel. What I can do is control how I react to these emotional upheavals that strike when I least expect them, or at least I can try.
The not running regularly is getting me down. Once a week is just not good enough. I know that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I am pregnant and I’m listening to my body. Some days I’m just lazy. I don’t like that. Laziness is not my forte. And yet I find myself hitting the snooze button several times on a weekday morning. After work instead of hitting the pavement or doing some yoga I put my feet up and sit back on the couch with dinner.
I have to wonder, is this normal? Or deep down am I just lazy?
This morning I woke up at 5am, did two loads of washing, tidied my home office, and went for a 3km run/walk. It took me three minutes longer than last week. I know I’ll be getting slower and that’s ok, but maybe it’s because of the irregularity of my runs. Probably a bit of both. I felt productive. But anger generally domesticates me and I find cleaning up therapeutic. Throwing out garbage is much healthier than throwing out nasty words.
Last night I was an emotional wreck. I broke down in tears. It had nothing to do with running or staying fit. I found out my mum shared with the family what I wanted our baby’s middle name to be after I specifically told her several times to make sure she doesn’t mention anything. I felt hurt and angry. How dare she? It was meant to be special, a surprise for our extended family once the baby was born, and here she went ruining it all. I immediately felt like she’s taking my news and information and making it her own.
Am I terrible person for being angry? Am I overreacting? Thinking about it now I still feel like breaking down in tears, my eyes are watering as I write this.
I’ve decided my family is going to be off limits when it comes to our baby plans. They can find out whatever we decide after the decision has been made and at the same time as everyone else. No more special treatment of sharing our plans with them. It’s not worth the worry of whether they’re going to sit quiet or spill the news to the world. It also means no more interference and unwanted advice. It’ll be hard but that’s just the way it has to be.
It’s Saturday morning and I want to relax and hopefully avoid the swollen feet and ankles I’ve had for the past four days. We’ve just had a lovely BBQ breakfast once again, a weekend habit, and we’re off to pick up J’s race pack for his first fun run of 2014 which happens tomorrow.
Wishing you all a lovely weekend!
