I’m snuggled in bed under my duvet, laptop in it’s rightful place – my lap – a cup of tea with lemon and honey that has gone cold beside me, a box of tissues along with a stuffed nose, and my brain jammed with blocks and obstacles that I can’t seem to pass. Instead of feeling sorry for myself I started to check out some of the marathons Europe has to offer. There are a lot. I would love love love to run some of them, all of them, a few of them. While it’s not going to happen this year (I don’t think work will be giving me many holidays when I get back from my upcoming August one), a girl can dream a little, and who knows once those thoughts and energies are sent out into the atmosphere anything is possible (i’m a half believer in the new age mumbo jumbo, it’s free to believe after all).
Then again there are those other real life goals as some might tell me – buying a house, starting a family, settling. Yeah, I’m not sure I’m a settler but I do want the other things. Lately, I’ve been thinking about them more, and more. Both are life changing. Buying a house is one thing, you can lock it up and go away for a few weeks or month and get your BFF to water the plants once a week, having a kid is another, I mean sure you can give grandma babysitting rights for a month but is she going to be pleased, and is that holiday going to be as fun if you’re constantly worrying about the little bub? Probably not. But how exciting would it be to take off for a few months and run through Paris, Rome or Monte Carlo?
Can you have both?
I read about runners and triathletes who are also wives, mothers and career women. I admire their dedication and ability to balance it all and still find the time to train and compete. Am I going to be able to do all that? Can I start a family and still achieve all those other goals in between? Will I be selfless enough to give my care, attention and time to another human being that will be 100% relying on me day and night for several years? Can I manage a career at the same time? Will I have enough me for it all? Will I stay sane? WIll I still be able to run, swim and cycle most days of the week?
As much as I hate to admit it, I am getting clucky and noticing that the clock has started ticking. I never thought that this day would come but now as I see many friends starting families and seeing how happy they are, maybe I can be happy too. Will it mean having to give up running, triathlon and a desire to travel and fulfill my dreams?
Then there are all the other obstacles I’ve placed in the way. First, I want to have x amount of dollars in the bank, paid of bad debt, buy a house (preferably without a large mortgage, come on Lotto!), have completed a half Ironman, done this and that, travelled here and there. I’m beginning to wonder am I thinking responsibly or am I just making excuses? If we started earlier we could have already had a couple of kids that would be out of nappies already. Would that have been so bad? In hindsight, I might have just done it that way.
We’ve taken the first step, we have organised private health insurance (it’s not necessary in Australia as public health is available to all but I prefer to go private), if we do decide to start a family, you have to have health insurance for at least 12 months before you can be admitted into a private hospital to give birth, only a day or two before the twelve month mark, well tough luck and better luck next time. While us having kids isn’t going to happen this month or even this year the notion is out there, if it’s meant to be, someday it will be and I guess as the saying goes, I would just like to have all my ducks in a row when it does happen.
Now, as I read over what I’ve blabbered on about, I’m left to wonder whether this cold has had an impact on my brain. I’m not sure whether sharing this is a good idea but putting words on paper allows me to rummage through the random thoughts and ideas and move closer towards a coherent point. Now, my stomach grumbles and it’s time to make a quick lunch (eggs on toast), and another cup of tea with lemon and it’s back under the duvet to rest, recuperate and hopefully rid my body of this darn cold that’s come from nowhere. Riveting stuff in this household today!
At least one lass is resting (albeit an unladylike manner);
