One of my goals for 2014 was, or is, to finish writing a novel, edit it, get it peer reviewed and self publish it.
I’ve been writing fiction for around 20 years (yes I started early), but unfortunately, everything I’ve written until now I’ve also trashed. Sad but true. Before I can give someone to read it, I decided it was utter crap and there was no way in the world that I was going to let anyone lay their eyes on it.
I am my own worst self critic.
Before I can allow anyone to reject me, I reject myself. I’ve noticed I’ve been doing that a lot lately. More so as I get older. If there’s a party, I say no because I won’t know who to talk to. If there’s a hilly race, I opt for the flat one. If it’s about joining a club, I automatically think no one will like me. If I come with an idea for an article, I tell myself that it’s not good enough.
In all of those situations, I’m rejecting myself before I have a chance to succeed. I am my own worst enemy. I’m not sure why it’s like this, the once confident girl who could walk into a room and talk to anyone, smile and be charming, has grown into a shy introverted woman afraid of what might or might not be.
Someone please smack me now.
My thoughts are so irrational it’s insane. If I was to give advice to a friend, I’d tell them to get over it. No one cares about what you do, they’re too busy worrying about themselves. Do what makes you happy and don’t look at others for approval. Live the life you want because you only have one and there’s no going back.
Now if only I would start listening to my own advice.
I am working on it. Slowly but surely. I’m learning to say ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’. I make an effort to meet new people, smile and laugh more, try new new things, and set a positive example for my son. He’s still an infant so I have time, but I want him to grow up knowing that his mum is confident and install in him the belief that he is capable of achieving anything he sets his mind to. But in order to show him, I need to do it first.
Do you ever stop yourself from doing something because you fear you might not succeed?
