Turning 40. It happened to me, last week.
I thought I’d have a lot to say, to ponder, to express, but really age is just a number, isn’t it? 4-0. Two numbers joined together, nothing more nothing less. It’s just another birthday, another year around the sun, and while you might expect to wake up changed or wiser maybe, that’s not necessarily the case. There might be the extra odd grey hair – I covered mine up last week – a wrinkle that wasn’t there before (Botox anyone? It’s seriously on my mind), a pain in your joints that’s been nagging for some time but only now seems significant, and your kids calling out, “Can I play the iPad?” (the now 9-year-old) and the other “Blippi” or “Backhoe” (from the 2.5-year-old), following with, “What’s for breakfast?” and “What are we doing today?”…on repeat.
Turning 40 will mean something different to different people. It might be making a career change, learning to say no, finally learning to say yes, learning to love yourself the way you are, excepting responsibility for your life, maybe it’s booking a wild girl’s trip away, enjoying a solo retreat, or sky-diving. Maybe it’s all of it or none of it. Maybe it’s opening a bottle of Moet, pouring yourself a glass, sitting back and going ‘wow’, I did all that, how f*#@ing fabulous.
We place so much focus on our number that we give it power and sometimes that power gets the better of us. I had huge expectations for when I turned 40. I thought that I’d have it all figured out – and while some people do (or pretend to!), well I certainly haven’t. I’m still growing, learning and evolving, and I love it. There’s only one thing that certain in life, the rest is a mixture of choices, circumstances and luck. How much of each? Well, no one really knows, do they?
The Big 40
Forty years. When I think about it, it’s been good. Sure there were ups and downs, poor choices, teenage rebellion and on a whim moving to the other side of the globe six months after I purchased my first property (bad investment, sold long ago), earned and spent, travelled, returned to the sunny GC and so much more. I’ve run marathons and finished triathlons, slowly but completed nonetheless, occasionally drank too much, swore out loud and danced some nights away.
Now at 40, I have a beautiful home, a great career, a wonderful husband (met on the whim Europe move) and two kids, we’re all healthy (touch wood), and we make ends meet. Sure there are unfulfilled aspirations and so much I still yearn to do, but what reaching 40 is teaching me (slowly), is that you can be grateful and still want for more, and to get whatever ‘more’ may be, is solely up to me.
There’s only one finish line, we’re all bound to it, and you won’t know when you reach it. Age shouldn’t be your limit. It shouldn’t stop you from following your dreams or your passions no matter how ridiculous they seem. You are your biggest obstacle. You are the only one stopping you from getting what you want.
I’m 40 and I feel fitter and healthier than I did at 20. Sure, the joints occasionally hurt, my skin isn’t as supple as it used to be, and OMG the hangovers last two days instead of a few hours, but overall I look and feel better than I did as a naive and silly 20-year-old. Gosh times have changed, haven’t they? These days 20-year-olds are setting up million dollar companies and look as if they’ve stepped off the cover of a magazine (or is that just FaceApp?). When I was 20, that just seemed something 40 year-olds did (LOL).
Age. It’s a number, maybe even a figment of our imagination. It’s a barrier holding us back. It shouldn’t be.
Some people don’t celebrate birthdays. They fear that number. Getting older is a gift, the greatest gift of all time. It’s what we do with the gift that matters most.
I spent the better part of the last three months feeling sorry for myself, I honestly thought I was heading for a mid-life crisis all because I gave the number 40 so much power. I let it consume me and all the things I wanted to do to celebrate my birthday (I love birthdays), didn’t pan out. So what if I don’t have a six pack or the bank balances doesn’t have six zeros after the one but before the decimal point, so what if I haven’t traveled the entire globe, or started a successful business, or wrote a dozen bestselling books (a dream since I was a teen).
It just shows there is still so much to do. It’s not about a finish line, it’s about the journey, the process. If you don’t like the process, the end will have little meaning.
My 30’s were all about building my family (two gorgeous, boisterous, smart, sporty and funny boys), building a beautiful home (a money pit LOL), building a career (hybrid, keeps the food on the table, the wine flowing, and occasional travel), and hopefully growing as a human being, to be wiser, kinder and softer towards myself and those around me, and in between all that, figuring out what my values are and creating a life around them.
What will my 40’s bring? I don’t know but the list of all the things I hope to do continues to grow. What happens will depend on my everyday choices and my circumstances. Life is full of ups and downs and it’s what we do with them that matters most. I will focus on what I can control.
Whatever your age, whatever your situation, join me in ensuring that the best is yet to come.
I’m going to chase my dreams, I’m going to live to my values, and I’m not going to let the growing number each year limit me. Instead, it’s going to drive me to do more and be more, while appreciating everything that I have been lucky to experience to date.
